Street Cred: This is Where the Healing Begins

My therapist’s office is in a snooty part of San Francisco, Pacific Heights. I was reading the newspaper yesterday and I saw that Sacramento Street, where his office is, is having a little street fair of sorts. Saturday and Sunday all the retail businesses will line the street with tables and racks of high-end clothes and products at a discount, although the prices are still ridiculous.

Last night I was trying to go to sleep when an idea hit me; why not have a therapy table on Sacramento Street as well? Why can’t the psychiatrists and psychologists sell their wares as well? No, it’s not clothes, toys, or shampoos- it’s mental help for those who want or need it, and fast!

But this is not a fly-by-night-operation; rather, this is a well thought out clinic run by trained professionals in the mental medicine world eager to help those in need, while forging a lasting bond with the community through caring and compassion. The neighborhood will learn that help is only steps away; therapy can be helpful and whole lot of fun!

My therapist told me that these street fairs happen in the summer and right before the holidays. This is perfect; the summertime will be great and the holidays even better. In the summer, people can stroll by the therapy tables as they shop for “bargains”; they might be shopped out, or just stressed out that there is nothing decent to buy. The psychologists and psychiatrists are taking it to the streets, but therapy is not a brief stop; talking to someone who actually listens can bring problems to light. Holiday time is infamous for being a lonely, terrible time for some people, while others are celebrating. . Not only can these poor souls pour out their problems to the caring professionals, but they can also get their holiday shopping done! And for everyone else, it’s just a nice break during all the hectic holiday shopping, offering a nice break during all the holiday shopping, some special time to relax, regroup, and gather their thoughts with a therapist. Multitasking at its finest.

I am getting ahead of myself; there must be some ground rules laid out before this kind of sensitive operation can begin. Any therapies are to be paid beforehand at a separate table; the therapists do not handle monetary transactions. A cashier accepts, with proper I.D., cash and checks. No credit cards accepted.

The attire of the therapists plays an important role in setting the tone of the street therapy. As this is a street fair, casual clothes are encouraged for the therapists. Casual wear also helps to make the doctors more approachable for the hesitant or first-time patient, helping them to realize that facing one’s fears and feelings are not so scary. It is acceptable for the doctors to wear flip-flops and shorts. Tank tops are not allowed, as back hair and unshaved armpits can get in the way of therapy as some patients may find it objectionable and distasteful, causing them to fixate on this rather than tackling their own problems.

The therapy table itself should be explained as it has exact specifications. The table will be six feet long, big enough to comfortably seat two therapists- one female and one male. The table will have one partition dividing the two doctors, thus giving a sense of privacy to the patients. Each doctor has on their side of the table: a small clock facing away from the patient, a pitcher of lemonade and two glasses; a flip sign to alert passersby, “IN SESSION”, is also supplied so there are no awkward intrusions.

Therapy sessions are to be ten minutes, or for more consultation and a higher fee, twenty minutes. Advice is dispensed, problems are listened to, and appointments are made for in-office visits. Sidewalk therapy is for small problems; this kind of therapy is not intended for deep depression and cases of molestation, which requires years of intense therapy and sometimes medication.

Special private consultations can be arranged, i.e. a leisurely walk around the block, or a chat on a quiet side street. As the doctors will be busy trying to help a lot of people, there will be a thirty-minute time limit. A back-up doctor will be available to “pinch hit” if one of the doctors is away on an around-the-block call.

To open each therapy session, the doctor will ask each patient, “Would you like a glass of refreshing glass of fresh squeezed lemonade?”, and pour into glasses as needed. This opening will really loosen things up so they can get down to business, tackle tough issues, and quench thirst.

Sacramento Street is full of psychiatrist and psychologist offices, and only a few of the doctors will be able to cover the therapy table. So to heighten the feelings of camaraderie, warm feelings, and good will along the street, the rest of the mental care professionals will be working a dunking booth. Everyone can take out their aggressions on the gamely doctors; for $2, which benefits Drew Prep’s Lacrosse team, they have a chance at hitting the bull’s eye. By hitting the target, the therapist is dropped from the chair have been sitting on into a huge tub of water at the “Shrink a Shrink” booth.

Everyone wins; whether it’s discounted Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses, an adorable dress for your daughter at Dottie Doolittle’s, a Stieff teddy bear, or some enlightenment, the Cheap Chic ‘n’ Shrink Street Fair is worth a visit. Clear out your closets for new clothes, clear your mind for peace.