Thursday, March 29, 2007

Ted Zmed

Working on an entertainment (television or movie) project that you want to get out of without being the one to blame for its failure? Here is the solution. Add Ted McGinley or Adrian Zmed to the project and you'll be moving on in no time!

Think I'm being mean? Well, c'mon, let's look at the track record:

Ted McGinley

Hope and Faith, Married with Children, Cahoots, Hotel, Major League 2: Back to the Minors, Dynasty, The Love Boat (1984-1986), Happy Days (1980-1984), Fantasy Island (1982, 1 episode), Hotel (1985-87 3 episodes)

Yes, Mr. McGinley did Revenge of the Nerds , which did pretty well at the box office. He probably turned down the sequal, looking for something more lucrative. Nothing must have come because he went back for the kiss of death, the second sequel. Two of them, and both TV movies: Revenge of the Nerds III-The Next Generation and Revenge of the Nerds IV- Nerds in Love. Hmmm.


Adrian Zmed

T.J. Hooker, Batchelor Party, (Empty Nest (1988), Murder, She, Wrote (1989, 1 episode), Hotel (1986-87 2 episodes), Honey, I Shrunk the Kids- The TV show (2000 1 episode), Grease 2, and Dance Fever (1985-87)

Yes, Mr. Zmed did Bachelor Party (best line of the movie- "Look at the cans on that bimbo!"), but he also did greased himself up, wore a tie as a headband, and sang on the soundtrack!

Ted McGinley always has whiteboy snotty names like Jefferson, Reese, Clay; or whiteboy idiot monikers like Ace. Adrian Zmed has bohunk dooface names like Vinnie, Johnny, and Frankie. Both Ted and Zmed have shared the first name Kyle (Ted in 3 movies, Zmed in 1) Ted also wins out in the Hotel showings with 3 episodes to Zmed's two.

Ted Zmed manage to get into sequals of hits, or step onto the scene of t.v. shows in their twilite years. I said previously that the kiss of death is the sequal to the sequal, allow me to add; The kiss of death is putting Ted McGinley or Adrian Zmed in any show or film; seemingly an act of desperation for the show/ film to limp forward. Ted Zmed gamely agrees to step into someone elses shoes or gig.

Make a little extra money, throw in Ted Zmed. Their name recognition will get a couple of people to the straight-to-dvd section or a few chuckles as you zip by them on late night t.v.

Update Hollywood, CA.- Talks continue for Basic Instinct 3. Interestingly, Sharon Stone has agreed to revisit her role as Catherine Trammell, the sociopathic best-selling author, despite the scathing reviews she garnered for Basic Instinct 2. In the third installment of the Instict series takes place in New York City. Ted McGinley is set to play the rogue cop, Kyle Stinson, that is forced to relocate from the LAPD after a car chase ended with one pedestrian dead. Adrian Zmed is "Wheels"'s partner, Johnny Guccione, a wise-cracking cop from Little Italy.

Broken, Unkept, and Forgotten, and Dashed

Look in the window. 2.5 carat brilliant-cut diamond with a VV1 clarity set in patinum, flanked by .75 ct. baguette-cut diamonds. It's price $2,198. Interested?

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201 Kearny St., San Francisco
415.885.1634

Broken, Unkept, Forgotten, and Dashed:
Dreams, promises, vows, and plans.

Fine jewelry sold in:
Desperation, anger, spite, bitterness, tears, and dire straits.

You win when others have lost...
People's lives have come apart...
But Maxferd's prices won't break you!

Maxferd Jewelry & Loans
201 Kearny St., San Francisco
415.885.1634

Monday, March 26, 2007

Maybe Next Year

Lena had had enough of her party. Frankly, her guests made her a little nauseous.
She was allergic to chocolate, so that ruled out her birthday cake. Lena didn’t get the Roboraptor, Wild Hunters 1884, or the LEGO Millennium Falcon- things she had explicitly expressed interest in. Instead, she got clothes two sizes too small or 3 sizes too big, creepy dolls, and DVDs you can buy at Walgreen’s in the bargain bin.

Though they showed no signs of leaving, her party guests had to leave. NOW. At the top of her lungs, Lena bellowed,

“RELEASE THE CLOWNS!!!”

Lena’s guests audibly gasped as Trixibelle and Clapper danced into the room, replete with garish red frizzed-out hair, orange rubber noses, huge shoes, and multi-colored satin jumpsuits. They honked horns, blew kazoos, belched, hooted and hawed, laughed hysterically; all the while they furiously made balloon animals.

Guests quickly located their keys, shushed their crying children and made excuses to Lena about their early departures as they made their way out:

“I think I left the oven on.”
“I forgot I have a doctor’s appointment.”
“My Halitosia Vulgarus is flaring up.”
“My corns are killing me.”

Lena held the front door open, thanking one and all for the best birthday ever.